So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
