I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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