my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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