i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
