whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize