I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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