just tell him i said nine months
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
