my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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