She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
