I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
