So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
