Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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