you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
