Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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