You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i now understand why vodka
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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