you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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