you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
