so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
