The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
