I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
