What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
