i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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