Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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