Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
