you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
