It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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