i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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