i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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