we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
