im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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