I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
