My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
