remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
