with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
