Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
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hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain