haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.