i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.