hotel room ftw
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins