Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
