i was born a porn star she said
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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