Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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