if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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