This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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