i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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