Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
