i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
