Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize