just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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