I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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