when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
