im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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