Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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