My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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