lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
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It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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