Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
