I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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