butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
