How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
