Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
