I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
