Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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