Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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