woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
