I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
