Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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